*Deanie Vallone*
A Conversation
Mom: I’m so tired I think I could just fall asleep. Like I have narcolepsy or something.
Sydney and I: [appalled] Narcolepsy?
Mom: Yeah, you know, where you just always fall asleep.
Me: Oh, yeah, I guess I was thinking of that other thing.
Syd: What other thing?
Mom: Oh, you mean, where you have sex with dead people?
Me: Yeah, what’s that called?
Mom: It starts with an N.
Me: Nar…something. No, neo…something.
Sydney: Nec…
Me: Necrophilia! That’s it!
Little Life Lesson #24: It’s probably not wise to shout “Necrophilia! That’s it!” while standing on your front lawn as the little children playing next door will surely hear and their parents will give you evil looks.
1 month ago
I saw these things in the Discovery World gift shop. They are stuffed animal microbes. Some of the microbe stuffed animals you can buy are: brain cell, fat cell, salmonella, flea, the sore throat, bad breath, kissing disease, athlete’s foot, ulcer, Black Death, flesh eating disease, dustmite, and oh so many more wonderful diseases and cells. Now, I don’t know about you, but, yeah, that’s kind of disturbing. I mean, imagine someone noticing a little kid playing with a toy. “How cute!” they say to the parents. “Little Jane’s playing with a stuffed pink snake.” Nope, that’s just a syphilis plush toy.
Little Life Lesson #23: Giving someone a little stuffed version (plus googly eyeballs) of the disease they contracted will not make it any better that they have herpes or the Ebola virus.
1 month ago7 Things I Love Today (Part 3)
Here’s some more…
#1: The Fall. It’s a new movie with Lee Pace (Pushing Daisies) that’s only at the Downer right now. It’s probably one of the most visually stunning movies I’ve ever seen, and what makes it even more amazing is that all the scenery and locations are real, not digitally done. Do yourself a favor and watch the trailer; it’ll blow your mind.

#2: “Morning Glory” by Oasis. It’s just such an addicting song. The whole CD is good but this one is my favorite.

#3: Hershey’s Chocolate. I put in the fridge so it’s cold. I don’t know why but I’ve just been addicted to it lately. I got a taste for it when I went camping and we made s’mores. Yum.

#4: Burn Notice on USA. I’ve only watched two episodes from last season (out of order), but there is something about the main character, Michael Weston, that’s so great. He’s an ex-spy and such a bad-ass, but he’s got this goofy/sweet quality to him. They show’s actually pretty funny. Maybe I can catch up on the first season before the second season starts in July.

#5: Reading Poetry. Lately I’ve been reading tons of poetry by obscure people. I think it helps me write my own, to get inspired. I’m not sure. But there’s some great stuff out there (and some really awful stuff too). :)

#6: The sunny weather. Love it! I’m sick of being cold. And I need to get a tan. I’m blazingly albino so that needs to change ASAP.

#7: Inchworms. Okay, I know I hate bugs. But inchworms are super cute! Especially the green ones. I also like little caterpillars. I saw one when I went camping. I named him Jorge.
1 month agoYou know what's not cool?
Getting woken up every morning somewhere between 4:00 and 8:00 because Glenn is doing one of the following: a) hammering b) sawing c) vacuuming d) all of the above. 1 month agoWhat To Keep In Mind When Playing Croquet
My new recent obsession is croquet. Why, you might ask? Not quite sure. My desire to play croquet is something recent, brought upon by two things.
1. My Chemical Romance’s “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” music video. The song’s been stuck in my head forever, and it’s getting a little annoying, but I really love the music video. One part of the music video has the band playing croquet.

It was so dorky, it was cute.
2. The second thing that brought upon my desire to play croquet happened this past Saturday at my aunt’s house. My cousins and I were playing bocce ball in the backyard (This is much more dangerous than it sounds for a few reasons: 1.) Their yard is mostly hills and trees. 2.) My mom’s car was dangerously close to where we were playing. 3.) Bobby thought it would be fun to throw the bocce balls as high in the air as he could and catch them again.) when my cousin Bobby stated that he wished we had a croquet set so we could play croquet. We were all a bit upset that we didn’t have a set, but I vowed I’d get one for my birthday.
So that’s basically what brought upon my desire to play croquet. To my delight, last night I actually got the opportunity. Here are some things to keep in mind when playing croquet:
Little Life Lesson #19: Do not play croquet in the dark, as you will either lose your ball in the grass (RJ) or trip over the wicket (Anna) or both.
Little Life Lesson #20: Do not play croquet in 20 degree weather as your fingers will become numb and then it will be quite difficult to hold your croquet mallet.
Little Life Lesson #21: Do not play croquet with people who think croquet mallets are toys as you will either get hit in the face (Megan) or in the hand (Sarah and me).
Now that I’ve established some Little Life Lessons, I will finish up with a few more things to keep in mind when playing croquet.
1. The best “move” in croquet is called a “send.” This occurs when your ball is sitting right up against another person’s. Then you place your foot on your ball, and strike your ball with the mallet so as to “send” your opponent’s ball away. (If you want to see this done, just watch the music video mentioned above.) However, and here is Little Life Lesson #22: When performing a send, make sure you have your foot properly placed on your ball, otherwise you will either “send” your ball away with your opponents or (the more likely case as I have found) you will hit your foot with the mallet. And that hurts. A lot. Especially if you do it five times in a row.
2. Here is my final word of advice, something very important to keep in mind when playing croquet. Croquet is much harder than it seems. Trust me. Of course, this could be due to the fact that I was playing at 10:30 at night in 20 degree weather, but I’m sure that even if I had perfect conditions, I still would have lost.
2 months agoDeja vu? I don't know.
Last night was the eagerly awaited Swell Season concert featuring Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from the Academy Award Winning movie, Once. However, when I got there, I couldn’t help noticing how many similatirites there were between this concert and the Colin Meloy concert.
#1: Took forever to find out seats. Not our fault. Though the seats at the Riverside were actually numbered properly, still had a hard time figuring out where we were going.
#2: Obnoxious kissing couple in front of us. Um, this is a concert. Please stop putting your tongue in that guy’s ear. You’re making me nauseous.
#3: Strange people who must constantly get up in the middle of the show and obstruct my view. Little Life Lesson #18: If you didn’t drink so much beer, you wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom sixteen times during the concert.
There were also some lovely (not) differences during this concert.
#1: Strange girl sitting directly behind us who felt the need to sing along with every song. First of all, I came to hear Glen and Marketa, not some I-Think-I-Can-Carry-A-Tune-But-I-Can’t fan girl. Second, Glen told us that half the songs they were playing were new. So, how does she know all the words? Can we say creeper?
#2: The guy sitting in front of me. If he were Native American his name would be Big Round Head. His head was just the perfect size and position so that he completely blocked out my view of the band. Which forced me to lean to the right so I nearly had my head on Anna’s shoulder. (Sorry, Anna).
Overall, though it was a fabulous concert. All the band members had adorable Irish accents and the music was intense. I had a great time. Also, did I mention they were Irish? With accents. :)
2 months ago7 Things That I Love Today (Again)
Here’s the 2nd installment:

#1: Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. Amazingly inspirational book. When I finished it I just felt…happy.

#2: Playgrounds. Not just for little children anymore.

#3: Original Sun Chips. They’re so delicious. And I’m pretty sure they’re slightly healthier than regular chips so that’s great too!

#4: I want a pet frog. Look how cute that thing is!!!

#5: David Tennant. Best known for playing the Doctor on the wildly popular BBC/Sci Fi show, Doctor Who. He is an amazing actor; he brings his character to life through everything: from his toothy grin and excited, rambling monologues to his converse shoes/suit outfits and crazy hair. Not only does he capture all the Doctor’s eccentricies, but he has a British accent on the show. And he’s Scottish in real life! Can’t get much better than that.

#6: The Moulin Rouge Soundtrack. Best songs are “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend,” “El Tango de Roxanne,” and “The Elephant Love Medley.” Even if you’ve never seen the movie, you can feel all the energy in every song.
#7: Francesco Totti. Soccer player. Not much to say about him except I really like shouting “Go Totti!” or “Come on Totti” or “[insert phrase here] Totti!” when I watch him play. It’s even more fun if you say it with a British accent like the announcers do. Totti. Hehe.
2 months ago